


Bright and Alive

by yezh (kirpee)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Don't let the description fool you, F/M, I'm Sorry, M/M, Second War with Voldemort, actual sexual situations, like super angst, mentions of past remus/sirius, mentions of sexual situtations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-10
Updated: 2014-08-10
Packaged: 2018-02-12 13:32:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2111739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kirpee/pseuds/yezh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus loses his world when he loses Sirius, but finds it again when he finds Nymphadora.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bright and Alive

**Author's Note:**

> Don't let the tags fool you, there isn't any super explicitly describe sexual situations. I'm all about the vague. 
> 
> I don't know why this popped into my head, but it did. Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated.

When Sirius died, Remus felt like his world was ending around him. Remus’d just gotten Sirius _back_ , and now he was gone again.

 

And then there was Nymphadora. She was young and full of life and her affections were so _wasted_ on Remus.

 

He thought of every excuse to tell her. “We can’t,” he’d insisted. “I’m too old for you.”

 

“That doesn’t matter,” she’d declared defiantly, her normally obnoxiously pink hair turning reddish orange. “A lot of couples are far apart in age.”

 

“We can’t,” he’d insisted again, “because of my… furry little problem.” His heart gave a painful twist in his chest as he thought of Sirius. Even though James had thought of the euphemism, it made him think of Sirius’ humor and his animagus. And it made him think of the way that Sirius would look at him, almost feral, and Remus knew that meant a wonderful night for the both of them.

 

Again her hair burned angry red-orange. “That doesn’t matter either,” she’d said, her hands on her hips and jaw set. “You’re perfectly normal the other part of the month and might I remind you that I’m not a pleasure to be around once a month either.”

 

But Remus loved her, but not in the way Nymphadora loved him. He was too connected to Sirius still, was _in love_ with him still. _Maybe I’ll always be_ , he thought when she’d tried to proposition him again.

 

And then Nymphadora changed. Her hair was no longer the bubblegum pink it usually was but instead a mousy brown that didn’t suit her at all. Remus always thought of her as bright and confrontational, just like her usual bubblegum pink. But his mousy brown made him think he was sucking the life out of her. It was what he’d feared would happen had they taken up together. And there she was now, no longer bright and sunny and bubblegum pink and he didn’t have to be _with_ her to do that.

 

He finally gave into her when Bill was bitten. He hoped that maybe, just maybe, if he tried hard enough, he could channel his love for Sirius to Nymphadora. He wanted to be in love with her so, so badly. She deserved someone who loved her just as much as she loved him.

 

“Nymphadora,” he started, nearly naked and holding his meager weight off of an equally naked Nymphadora.

 

“Tonks,” she interrupted, still insisting that he called her by her last name.

 

“Tonks,” he repeated. “May I ask you a question?”

 

“Of course,” she said.

 

A guilty weight settled into his stomach at the thought of actually voicing his request. “Will you…” he had to pause, his throat suddenly feeling a little too tight. He wet his lips and soldiered on. “Will you change your hair to black and wavy?” Even now, he couldn’t help but want Sirius.

 

“Well aren’t you kinky?” She teased, a wicked grin spreading onto Nymphadora’s face, obviously believing this to be part of a fantasy roleplay. In a sense, she was right. It was for a fantasy.

 

Her face screwed up, concentrating on Remus’ request. Her hair became slowly became dark and fell in waves to her shoulders, just as Sirius’ had done when he was almost his bright and alive self at Grimmauld Place.

 

_Maybe_ , Remus thought ruefully, _I’m drawn to Nymphadora because she’s so much like him. Bright and alive._

 

“How’zat?” Nymphadora asked, turning her head to the right and left so Remus could look at her new hairstyle from all angles.

 

“Perfect,” Remus responded honestly. He saw her new hair and all he could think of was Sirius.

 

A fire ignited in Remus’ stomach. He captured Nymphadora’s lips in a hard kiss, growling low in his throat at he did so.

 

She melted into the bed, kissing back with equal fervor. Remus’ hands skated down her body and he lamented the missing angles where he found curves.

 

Nymphadora made a small gasping noise when his hands found her entrance. It always took time and work for Sirius to become open as Nymphadora was. She was slicker too, but just as warm. _That’s to be expected,_ Remus thought. _She’s not Sirius._

 

_“Remus_ ,” she moaned, low and breathy, in a way that was entirely too much like Sirius.

 

With another rumbling growl, Remus rid Nymphadora of the rest of her clothing and flipped her onto her stomach.

 

“You _are_ a kinky bastard, aren’t you?” Nymphadora teased again, looking over her shoulder at Remus as she lifted herself onto her hands and knees.

 

Without responding, Remus crudely slicked his prick and aligned it with her entrance before sinking in.

 

She sighed and his eyes rolled up slightly. His hands came down to her hips, and he couldn’t help the disappointment that crept into his stomach at feeling the fleshy curve instead of Sirius’ hard jutting bone.

 

He thrust into her, one of his hands leaving her hips and found her hair. It felt just like Sirius’ against his fingers and he couldn’t help the groan that was drawn from his throat. He looked down. Nymphadora’s head hung down and all he could see was naked back and wavy black hair. He thought of their last night together. The way Sirius dipped down, ass in the air, gripping the sheets and moaning breathily in a way that should be illegal. He thought of the way, when they faced each other, Sirius’ eyes rolled up as he came with a throaty rumble of _Moony_ caught in his mouth.

 

“Oh Merlin, _Sirius_ ,” Remus moaned, barely audible. All he could see was Sirius. Nymphadora’s curves were replaced with Sirius’ harsh lines and jutting bones, still not fully recovered from his stint in Azkaban.

 

“ _Oh,_ Remus,” Nymphadora gasped, and the illusion was shattered. No longer did Remus see Sirius in front of him, but Nymphadora. Her utterance had been entirely too soft. Even at his softest, Sirius never sounded like that. His gasps had a sharp, rasping growl to them. His moans were broken into small shards that worked their way underneath Remus’ skin and burrowed deeply so that Remus could still feel them the next morning as he watched Sirius ricochet around the kitchen the next morning.

 

Remus came, ashamed that he’d just fantasized about a dead man while he made love to the woman he was currently involved with ( _who_ , a small voice in the back of his head added, _is very much_ alive _._ ) Remus rolled off her, staring at the ceiling and not daring to look at her. _Had she heard me when I said Sirius?_ He thought.

 

He was strangely at peace with the idea that she’d heard him. It would mean he wouldn’t have to live this lie anymore. Live his and Sirius’ relationship vicariously through this young girl who deserved so, so much more than Remus could ever offer her.

 

He waited for her to ask whether or not she’d heard correctly but it never came. Instead, she rolled back over and curled into his side, her head fitting into the crook of his neck. _That’s where Sirius used to lay_ , Remus thought, trying to squash the overwhelming guilt down.

 

“I love you,” Nymphadora breathed, her breathing starting to even out as she shifted closer to Remus. Her hair was no longer black and wavy but back to her usual straight bubblegum pink.

 

“And I love you,” Remus said, mostly talking to a black haired man that had once made up most of his world.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this. Have a lovely day.


End file.
